Application To Date My Daughter
by Evil Robina
Summary: 'Never ever mess with me again.' I said to Iggy. 'I'm sorry Fang.' Iggy replied. 'But this means WAR'
1. Eight simple rule to date my daughter

**A/N **

**OK I was randomly looking on websites for school when I came upon this little baby.**

**Angel: You found a baby on the computer?**

**Robina: It was a figure of speech. –Rolls eyes- **

**Angel: I knew that.**

**Robina: Sure you did. I own nothing.**

**Angel: Hey! I say that.**

**R&R?**

Gazzy's POV

After doing what I do best on the elevator this morning (A/N read Misadventurous Outings by –iKate- to find out what I'm talking about.) I decided to go back to that website to see if there was anything other mischief I could cause.

'Watch are you doin'?' Iggy asked leaning against the door frame.

'Looking for other things I can do.' A few words caught my eye on the web page. _Application to date my daughter._ This is too good to be true I thought to myself. Iggy listen to this. I read out the application. He started laughing his head off.

'Print it! Print it!' He said in between laughs. I pressed this print button. Once the pages printed I grabbed them and stapled them together. Iggy took the pages out of my hands and got up.

'Is Fang in his room?' Iggy asked me.

'I think so…' We walked to Fang's room. He was on the laptop typing on his blob muttering something about Total hacking his blog. (A/N Read Total takes over by rainbowstrike).

'Hey Fang.' Iggy said holding out the papers. 'Dr. M told us to give these to you.' He handed gave Fang the application. He stifled a laugh and we both left the room.

Fang's POV

Iggy and Gazzy left my room. I stared down at the pieces of paper they gave my. Printed across the top was _Application to date my daughter._

'What the hell?' I started to read.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________  
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______  
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______  
Driver's License#____________________  
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____  
Home Address:_______________________________  
City/State/Zip_____________________________  
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________  
Do you own  
a. Van?____  
b. Truck with oversized tires?____  
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:  
a. An earring_____  
b. nose ring______  
c. belly button ring_____  
or piercings on any other body parts_____  
Explain:_____________________________________________________  
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________ How often______________________  
Best time to interview your pastor? _______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.  
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken is: ____________________________________________________  
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________  
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________

NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

_____________________________  
Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

I flipped over the page.

**Eight simple rules for dating my daughter.**

**Rule One: ****If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.**

**Rule Two: ****You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.**

**Rule Three: ****I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.**

**Rule Four: ****I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.**

**Rule Five: ****In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."**

**Rule Six: ****I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.**

**Rule Seven: ****As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?  
****Rule Eight: ****The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.**

My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.

I finished reading it. What a joke. But what if it isn't. I decided to fill it out just in case. After I had finished I went downstairs and into the living room. Dr. M was sitting on the couch and was reading a magazine.

'Here you go Dr. M.' I said giving her the application.

'What's this?' She asked.

'The application.'

'What application?' she seemed confused.

'The one Iggy gave to m-'I broke off midsentence. 'IGGY! GAZZY! YOU'RE BOTH DEAD! HEAR ME! DEAD!' I heard laughter coming from upstairs.

They were in for a world of hurt.

**A/N **

**Ok so I'm done and I was thinking maybe I should do one where Fang gets revenge.**

**R&R**


	2. The blind bird kid is going to pay

**A/N **

**Thank to all my lovely reviews. You have encouraged me to do another chapter. Ok this is the chapter where Fang gets revenge on Iggy. **

**Angel: Iggy deserves it. That was mean what he did to Fang. But very funny.**

**Robina: Guess what Angel! **

**Angel: I'm going to visit Iggy! Yay!**

**Robina: Stupid mind-reading.**

**Angel: Robina owns nothing. **

**R&R**

Fang's POV

I had come up with a couple of ideas to get back at Iggy. I planned to spend the whole day annoying him. Ok so annoying didn't sound so bad but when I annoy someone or something I do it properly. My first act of annoyance was simple. I would give him a colour headache. Hehe. It was so simple.

Iggy was in the kitchen making breakfast as per usual. He had a pile of grape next to him. Perfect. I did the old switcheroo. Swapping the grapes for skittles so when he went to grab a hand full he would get a colour headache.This was only little of the chaos that I was about to brew. Iggy went to grab the skittles. He picked up a small handful and dropped them straight away. He moaned and sat on one of the stools.

I found Iggy on the couch later with an ice-pack on his forehead.

'Headache Iggy?' I asked him smiling.

'Yea.' He moaned and rolled onto his side. I stifled a laugh and left the room.

I went upstairs and into his room. I found all his bomb supplies and moved them to a different spot. Then I moved all the furniture around in his room. That should have funny results. I left closed the door and went back down stairs. Iggy was back in the kitchen making breakfast again.

'Want help?' I asked.

'Okay…' Iggy said suspiciously. I never offered to help in the kitchen. I was forced by Dr. M usually. He was making omelets. Yum.

'Pass the cheese.' He said with his hand held out. I looked in the fridge. There was old cheese and new cheese. I grabbed the old cheese.

'Cheese.' I said and handed it to him. He took it and started to grate it. Once he had grated it he put it into the mixing bowl.

'Can you pass me the salt and pepper shakers please?' He asked. I went to the cupboard and instead of salt I grabbed the mustard and cinnamon. He wouldn't know the difference. I passed them to him and he started shaking a little bit into the bowl. I saw vinegar in the cupboard. Hmmm… This could come in handy. I pulled the bottle out of the cupboard. Iggy was busy setting the temperature on the stove so I quickly poured the whole bottle into the bowl.

'Ok I don't need your help and more Fang.' I dipped my finger into the mixture and tasted it. Ewww… It was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted and I've tasted lots of things. I left the kitchen proud of my achievement.

Ella was up in her room talking to one of her friends on the phone. I decided it was time to get his opinion on Ella. I picked up the voice recorder and went back into the kitchen.

'What do you want now Fang?' Iggy asked.

'I just want to know something.' I said innocently. 'Do you like Ella?' Iggy blushed.

'Maybe.'

'Do you loooooove her?'

'Maybe.'

'Do you?' I pressed.

'What if I told you I had all your bomb supplies and was going to flush them down the toilet if you don't tell me?'

'You wouldn't!' Iggy gasped.

'Really?'

'Ok yes you would, but you can't!'

You know what you have to do to save them.' I said evilly.

'Ok fine. You win.' He sighed and started the recorder. 'I love Ella. Happy?'

'Very.' I played the tape recording.

'I love Ella.' The recording of Iggy's voice said.

'You didn't!' He said shocked.

'I did.' I said simply. 'Now this is going on my blog.'

'WHAT!' Iggy shouted. I played the recording again. And as fate should have it Ella walked into the room.

'Hey Ella.' I said cheerfully. Iggy looked at me.

'What do you want?!' He begged. 'Just don't do it. I'll do anything! ANYTHING!' I got to admit it was fun getting revenge on a blind kid.

'Revenge.' I said simply. 'For the whole application thing.'

'That was Gazzy's idea too.' He said.

'Gazzy's time will come.' I pushed the play button on the recorder.

'I love Ella.' Iggy's voice recording said. Ella blushed. Iggy blushed as well.

'Iggy…I…' Ella blushed again and stopped.

'Never ever mess with me again.' I said to Iggy.

'I'm sorry Fang.' Iggy said. 'But this means WAR!'

I played the recording one last time and left the kitchen. Now it was Gazzy's turn.

**A/N**

**Okay the next chapter will be Fang getting revenge on Gazzy. To everybody who read the first chapter my friend **_**rainbowstrike **_**has gotten the application and filled it out. It's called **_**Fang's Response: Application to date my daughter.**_** Go and read it.**

**R&R **


	3. Gazzy and the Spiders

**A/N**

**I can't be bothered to write much so I'm just going to get on with the story. BTW in the last chapter someone said wouldn't Iggy be able to smell the differences? Well let's just say Iggy had a very bad cold that day.**

**Angel: Robina owns nothing .**

**R&R**

Fang's POV

It was time for Gazzy's payback. I walked up the stairs to the attic manhole. I removed the cover and climbed up. I held the jar in my hand. The attic was quite big so it didn't bother me much. I walked around looking for Gazzy's worst fear. Spiders.

I moved a box and found a bunch of Daddy Long Legs. I scooped them up and put them in the jar. I moved more boxes and found some more and put them in the jar too. When I thought I had more than enough I turned to leave. Something caught my eye. A massive Huntsman. This was my lucky day and Gazzy's unlucky one. I picked it up and climbed back down the hole.

I walked into my room and put down the spiders. I walked over to the laptop sitting on my desk. I opened it and downloaded the recording of Iggy onto my blog. I should have heaps of reviews in a couple of hours time. I shut the laptop and turned back to my eight legged friends. I scooped them up and went to Gazzy's room.

Iggy's POV

Stupid Fang! He is such a jerk! He is so in for it. I managed to get away from Ella in the kitchen and find my way back to my room. I ran into something hitting my shins.

'Oww!' I jumped back. I put my hands out in front of me and felt the object in front of me. It was my bed. Why was my bed in front of the door? I walked around it and found all my stuff had been moved. This could only have been one person…

'Fang.' I started moving my stuff back into place muttering curses under my breath damning Fang to H-E double toothpick.

Fang's POV

One jar of spiders. Check. One Huntsman. Check. One Gasman. Check. I was all set when I walked into Gazzy's room. It was night and he was asleep. I walked to his bed and unscrewed the lid of the jar and tipped the contents onto his bed. I then placed the huntsman gently on his face. I walked into the corner next to his bed and slowly turned faded into the background and waited for my revenge to begin.

Gazzy's POV

I felt something furry on my face. I was about to brush it off when it moved. I opened my eyes and saw a massive spider on my face. I sat up.

'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!' I heard a chuckle from beside me.

'Fang!' I yelled and pulled the spider off my face. 'Spiders! I hate spiders!'

'I know.' I heard him answer. 'That's why I did it.' I stood up and saw more spiders crawling over me. I brushed them off quickly. 'I've got my revenge. I'm going to go now.' He walked out the door.

'MAX!' I yelled running down the hall. I ran into Max's room and jumped into her bed next to her.

'Gazzy?' She asked. I buried myself under her blankets and nodded. 'What are you doing in here?' She asked.

'F-Fang put spiders in my bed.' I said.

Max's POV

'Why would he do that, honey?' I asked Gazzy.

'Because he's Fang.' Gazzy said wiping tears from his eyes. I got up and walked out of my room leaving Gazzy on my sitting on my bed. First I went to Gazzy's room to see if he wasn't dreaming or something. I opened the door and sure enough there were spiders crawling on his bed. I closed the door and stomped down the hall to Fangs' room. I opened the door and closed it behind me so he couldn't escape my wrath.

'Fang!' I said walked over to his bed. 'I know your in here. Don't bother trying to hide from me!' I heard a sigh and Fang appeared next to his closet.

'Why did you put spiders in Gazzy's bed? He's only eight for crying out loud!' I yelled not bothering to keep my voice down.

'Revenge.'

'For?'

'The application to date yo-.' He stopped.

'What?' I asked shocked. But now I thought about I remembered seeing something down on the lounge room table. I stormed out of his room and down to the lounge room. On the table was the application thing Fang was talking about. I read it and blushed. (**A/N to read what Fang wrote read **_**Fang's Response by Rainbowstrike.**_)I went back up stairs with the piece of paper in my hand. I went back into Fang's room and held it up.

'This?' He nodded. I thought what he wrote was kinda sweet but I wasn't going to tell him that. 'You did this to Gazzy over this?' I asked. He nodded again. I glared at him.

'He also did a recording of me saying I loved Ella and then played it to her.' Iggy said poking his head into the room. I sighed.

'How am I going to stop any destruction?' I said chucking the paper into the bin.

'You can't Max.' Iggy said. 'Not now the war has begun.'

'Yes it's only just beginning.' Fang said. I sighed again and left the room. Back in my room Gazzy had fallen back asleep. He looked so innocent when he was sleeping. It was amazing how something so adorable could be so much trouble. I pushed him over to the side a bit and crawled back under the covers. All hell was going to break loose tomorrow I could just see it coming.

**A/N**

**I know it was mean what Fang did but meh. **

**R&R?**


	4. No! Anything but kahki!

**A/N**

**I can't be bothered to type much so here it is.**

**Nudge: Mu muh hu hum!**

**Me: She has duct tape over her mouth still. I own zilch. Anyhoos on with the story!**

Iggy's POV

I crept quietly into Fang's room. He was out flying with Max. Not a good thing to do in times like these. I walked over to his bed trying not to trip on anything. His room smelt like old cheese and rotting eggs. Not nice. I managed to find his bed and I felt something black that could only be one thing… the laptop.

'Ok. Come on Total.' I whispered to him. I heard Total walk in carefully.

'The last time I did this I was dunked into the toilet.' He muttered.** (A/N read Total takes over by rainbowstrike.)** I had no idea what he was talking about so I just shrugged.

'Just hurry up! They could be back any minute!' I said listening for the quiet steps of Fang approaching. I heard the faint _tap, tap, tap _of the keyboard.

'Ok just tell me what you want me to type.' I was about to ask how he knew how to type but just decided not to worry about it.

'Where to start? Where to start?'

Fang's POV

I landed on the front lawn and turned to see Max land just after me. She gave me a think-about-what-we talked about look. I shrugged and walked towards the door. I pulled it open and came face to face with Iggy. Realizing who I was he quickly turned in the opposite direction and bolted up the stairs. I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. I walked up the stairs and into my room. I kicked stuff out of my way making my way to my bed. I sat down and opened the laptop.

Wow. I had 186 reviews since I last checked it. I went to the main page and I spotted the latest entry. Hmm… it was posted 10 minutes ago. I wasn't here then. I quickly opened it and read…

**Hello! You are reading Fang's blog!**

**Today's Date: 7/8/09**

**Visitor Number: 23,673,009 **

**Hey people of earth, flock followers everywhere! It's Iggy here posting for revenge. As you probably wouldn't know Gazzy and I both pulled on mean prank on Fang the other day. He got **_**pretty**_** annoyed at us so he started getting revenge and that revenge has turned into a full blown WAR!**

**Now as most of you know Fang can be quite mean. To name a few… Putting spiders in Gazzy's bed, dunking Total in the toilet, ****colour**** headaches etc. you get the idea. **

**Anyways. I've decided to hack his blog with a trusty companion who shall remain unnamed for fear of his safety. Leave votes on whose side you with. Team Iggy or team Fang?**

**Iggy **

**Over and out.**

I closed the lid of the laptop and slowly breathed in and out and in and-

'IGGY! YOU'RE DEAD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU THEN I'M GOING TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE! YOU HEAR ME?' I yelled at the top of my voice. I heard a yelp from down the hall. 'YOU TOO TOTAL!' A whine came from Angel's room. Coward. I put the laptop down and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I then went to the cupboard and pulled out two bottled of dye.

I smiled to myself grabbing a bucket from the laundry. I then went back up stairs and grabbed all of Iggy's clothes. When I came back down I dumped them on the table and turned back to the bucket. I poured the contents of the dyes into the bucket and stirred with a long spoon. The colours mixed together creating the colour I wanted. Perfect.

I picked up a white shirt and put it into the bucket. The shirt almost immediately turned into the colour I wanted. Khaki. Happy with my success I decided to take this out side so I wouldn't stain the carpet. Other wise I wouldn't be around long enough to see the aftermath. Picking up the bucket I took it outside. It was the middle of the day so the sun was nice and hot. I went back inside and grabbed the pile of clothes. I came back out and started dyeing and hanging up clothes. The sun should make them dry faster. After I was done I stood back to admire my work. My hands were going to be khaki colour for days but who cares. I emptied the bucket and put it back. I would give the clothes a couple of hours to dry.

_Four hours later…_

I came back out to find all the clothes dry and khaki coloured. I quickly took all the clothes off the line and into a clothes basket. I went back inside.

'What cha got there Fang? Laundry?' Max asked eyeing me suspiciously I never did washing.

'Yeah.' I said trying to get past her. She moved but still kept looking at me. I went upstairs into Iggy's room. Iggy and Gazzy had been gone most of the day probably making bombs. I quickly placed all of Iggy's clothes exactly where they were earlier. I left closing the door and hurrying back downstairs. Dr. M called us for dinner and the flock came and sat at the table. At that moment Iggy walked through the door. His clothes covered in mud and other things. Gazzy was similar. They both walked upstairs to change. Excellent. A smile spread across my face.

'Why are you smiling Fang?' Angel asked me. 'Oh.' Was all she said after reading my mind. She then doubled over laughing. I couldn't help but smiling more. The rest oh the flocked looked at me confused. Then I heard the sound sealing my victory for the day.

'KHAKI! I HATE KHAKI! WHO WOULD DO THI- FANG! YOU ARE DEAD! I WASN'T PLAYING TOUGH BUT NOW YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE BEAST WITHIN!' Now I couldn't help myself. I fell into a chair laughing. Everyone else was laughing so hard they couldn't breathe properly. Iggy stomped down the stairs in all khaki.

'You. Are. Dead.' Was all he said and came to take a seat.

'Don't you like the new look Ig?' I said menacingly. Everyone started laughing harder.

'What did I miss?' asked Dr. M walking out of the kitchen holding our dinners.

'Nothing much.' I said.

**A/N**

**Ok sorry it took so long to update but school has been a hassle. Ideas are welcome.**

**Nudge: Hooray! She took the tape off! –Does a dance-**

**Me: Quite you.**

**R&R?**


	5. One mean drunk

**A/N **

**Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. You guys are awesome! I am hoping for this story to go for awhile but, to make this happen I'm going to need a few ideas.**

**Nudge: Robina owns nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Vodka!**

**Me: …**

Iggy's POV

I had a wonderful idea last night for revenge. I was the only one who knew where Dr. M hid her alcohol. She kept it hidden in a pot in the kitchen that no one ever used. I had come across it one night by accident. Anyways that's beside the point.

I found the pot and grabbed a bottle a random hoping it was something good. I grabbed a coke out of the fridge (I know its coke cause of the colours) and unscrewed the top off and tipped half of it down the sink and then I filled up the rest with what ever was in the bottle. It smelt like rum. Smiling to myself I put the coke back in the fridge and waited for my plan to take action.

Fang's POV

I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I was feeling a bit puckish so I went to the fridge. I opened the door to find leftovers from last night and a can of coke. Today was my lucky day. I took the coke out of the fridge and closed the door. I walked out to the lounge room where Angel was sitting with Total and Celeste. She looked up at me.

'Coke!' She jumped up and grabbed it out of my hand.

'Hey!' I said but she had already pulled off the lid and was sculling the whole thing right in front of me. I made a lunged for it but by the time I grabbed it out of her littler hands the bottle was empty.

'That tasted funny.' She said and burped loudly.

_Fifteen minutes later…_

Angel couldn't even walked straight it was almost like she was drunk… Angel: Picked up Total and squeezed him.

'I looooooove you Total.' She said. 'You and Akila should get married!' At this Total blushed well as close as a mutated talking and flying dog can get to blushing.

'Can't… breath!' Total wheezed. I pulled Angels hands apart and Total fell to the ground. Angel didn't like this. She took one uncoordinated swing at me and missed by a mile. She continued the assault by trying to kick me but all she managed to do was fall down on top of Total. It was so funny I started laughing.

'Owwww!' He yelled and ran. It was at this point that Max walked in.

'Max!' Angel yelled and ran towards her but tripped on the rug and landed face first. She rolled onto her back and started laughing manically.

'She's one mean drunk.' I muttered.

'DRUNK!' Max yelled. 'You gave my baby alcohol?!'

'No, No.' Angel said, her heading rocking said to side. 'It Iggy! He thinked it before!' She said saving my life. 'He over there!' She pointed one shaky finger towards the stairs. Max looked murderous. I was glad I wasn't going to be one the receiving end this time.

'OW!...STOP…I DIDN'T ME- IT WAS FOR FANG! OUCH! AHHHHHH!' I saw Iggy run past me but Angel stuck out her little foot making Iggy trip. He fell onto the ground making a satisfying _THUNK_.

'That's my girl.' I said to Angel. She smiled and went and sat on Iggy's back. She started punching him in the head while singing _Mary had a little lamb. _Max appeared next to me.

'Aren't you going to do anything?' I asked her. She shook her head.

'Like you said she's one mean drunk.'

**A/N**

**Angel's one mean drunk.**

**Feel free to leave any ideas.**

**Reviews are cooler than viewers. :)**


	6. Fine Feathered Friends

**A/N**

**Ok so I know I haven't updated in yonks but I've been busy with my social life. Yes, I have a social life! Over 50 reviews I'm touched! Ok enough chit chat. I own nothing.**

Iggy's POV

My last plan back fired. BAD! After Angel had recovered from her drunken state Max chased me everywhere. She unfortunately she caught me and let's just say the consequences were… less than pleasant.

Fang's POV

Even though Iggy hadn't done anything to me he had still tried to with the whole alcohol thing. So now it was my turn.

'Hey Fang. We're going to the shop you wanna come?' Nudge said excitedly skipping towards me. I shook my head. I never went shopping with them if I could help it.

'Suit yourself.' She then skipped out the door. I heard the car rumble and leave. I went upstairs going to go on my blog but I passed Iggy's room and saw him lying on his bed listening to the IPod Dr. M had gotten him last Christmas. He seemed oblivious to the world around him. Time to put my plan into action.

I went back downstairs to the kitchen. I went to the drawer where Dr. M kept all the medicines. I grabbed one in particular, sleep medicine. I closed the draw and grabbed a cup. I filled it with water and added enough sleeping medicine for 30 minutes of drowsiness. Right on cue Iggy came down the stairs. I quickly put the glass in the fridge. Iggy came into the kitchen grab the glass and sculled it. He then made his way back upstairs.

I waited about three minutes until I heard a _THUNK _from upstairs. I ran upstairs to Iggy's room to find him in a deep sleep on the ground. I rolled him onto his back and then went to the cupboard and got some super glue and coloured feathers.

I covered him in the glue then opened the packet of feathers. I put feathers of every bit of his exposed skin. When I was finishing up I heard the front door open. I finished up and put the glue and feathers back.

'WE'RE HOME!' I heard Nudge yell from downstairs. I walked back down stairs. Ella, Nudge and Angel had Max by the arms.

'HELP! FANG, HELP!' Max yelled at me as the other girls dragged her up the stairs. I laughed and followed behind them. 'Traitor!'

'I try my best.' They dragged her into Ella's room and sat her down on a stool.

'Hold still this won't take long. Fang out!' Nudge said shoving me out the door.

'Why? This is golden.' She just slammed the door in my face. I shrugged and went back downstairs. I was reading a book when I heard two screams from upstairs.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!' On was Max and the other was Iggy. Iggy and Max came down the stairs. Max had makeup smeared all over her face. She stopped screaming when she saw Iggy and started laughing. Angel, Nudge and Ella came down looking for Max. They saw Iggy and started laughing.

'Awake are we sleeping beauty?' I asked.

'What did you do to me? Ow!' Iggy said trying to pull some feathers off.

'I turned you into a chicken. Now say cheese!' I snapped a photo.

'Damn you to-'His sentence was cut off by a screaming Dr. M.

'IGGY! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?' Everybody was doing a lot of screaming today.

'Fang happened.'

'When ever something bad happens everyone thinks it's me.' I said.

'Cause it is!' Everyone said at unison.

'Ah! Touché.'

'Come here Iggy.' Dr. M said pulling him towards the kitchen.

'Be careful! Watch the – OW!' Everyone started laughing again. I went upstairs to post the pictures on my blog. I was typing away when I saw Iggy at the door.

'Greetings my fine feathered friend!' I said to him. He glared at me and stalked off. Today was fun.

**A/N**

**Haha! **

**Nudge: -Appears out of no where-**

**Me: Greetings my fine feathered friend! (Credit to my best friend for that)**

**R&R**


	7. Photos of Love

**A/N**

**OK. I ****KNOW**** I haven't updated in god only knows how long but since I was still getting reviews for this story I thought "might as well update"(and also my friend has become addicted to FF –read her story- "the Demon Barber is Alive" by drivenbyrevenge). So here it is. If it's not up to you're standards blame it on sleep deprivation and too many assignments. Anyway most of Iggy's pranks tend to back fire so I've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and he will succeed this time. **

**I do not own Max and the flock the great J.P. does.**

Iggy's POV

OK so I've been getting Gazzy to monitor Max's and Fang's "coincidental disappearances" by following them whenever they disappear. APPARENTLY they've been disappearing behind the shed for a little one-on-one time. If you catch my drift.

So I've been getting Gazzy to take pictures of there time alone and I am going to use those picture for my next wonderful, amazing prank. I've been able to use my colour feeling gift to make out most of what the pictures are.

"Okay I want 10 of these. 10 of those and 50 of this one." I said to the developer handing over the pictures.

"Ok, these should be ready in about an hour." I nodded and left the store. My plan was coming into action.

Fang's POV

I was getting paranoid lately. I've been expecting Iggy to get me back for the whole "you are a chicken" thing. It's been a week and nothing has happened so my only conclusion is that he's planning something sinister.

The only time I look forward to was my time spent with Max.

Iggy had recovered from my last prank with red splotches from the glue all over him. I got a good yell from Dr. M (one her best too) but it was all worth it.

I decided to go upstairs to check on my blog to pass some time.

Last time Total and Iggy had hacked my blog they had set up a poll of Iggy and Fang voters which I had been unable to remove.

So far to my pleasure I was winning on 52% but obviously not by much. I decided to post a new blog entry.

**Hey! You are reading Fang's blog!**

**Today's date: 9/3/10**

**Visitor number: 30,098,857**

**Hey flock followers. As you know me and Iggy have been having a war and I'm getting more and more paranoid by the day. It's been a week since the last attack and I don't know what to do. Attack or wait and stay on the defense? Tell me what you think.**

**-Fang**

**Keep watching the skies**

Iggy's POV

After I had collected the pictures I flew home immediately not being able to wait to get my plan into action. It was a very simple plan between me and Gazzy simple yet effective.

I smiled to my self imagining the look on Fangs face when he walks in and discovers my plan (I can only imagine thanks too the whole I am blind thing).

I arrived home in time to hear Fang walk out the back door to go meet Max and Dr. M had left a while ago with the rest of the flock. It was now or never.

Fang POV

Ok. So just imagine this. Coming in from a wonderful time spent with Max and finding pictures of our time alone everywhere and I mean **EVERYWHERE**. They were on the ceiling, T.V., floor, walls anywhere you can imagine.

"IGGY!!" I yelled. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! I SWEAR IF IT TAKES ME YEARS YOU WILL PAY!" I couldn't really believe that this moment could get any worse but lo' and behold max walks in and takes one look around blushes deeply and storms up stairs.

"IGGY!" I heard max yell and a door barge open then max came back down stairs. "Stupid blind kid flew out the window."

"We better pull all these down bef-" I stopped hearing the car pull up. "You got to be kidding."

"We're HOME!" Nudge called. Everybody walked into the room and looked around at the pictures.

"Oh my." Dr. M said placing one hand over her mouth. "Who did this?"

"Iggy." We both said.

She nodded "Of course."

**A/N**

**Ok I know it's one of my bests but I'm too tired to care. Reviews are much appreciated and may help updating faster. XD**

**R&R**


	8. Dog Whistles

**A/N **

**I'm so so so so sooooooooooo sorry I haven't updated but I've been bombarded with assignments and tests it's the Easter Hols so now I should have time to update once or twice. If you're bored in between reads read my crazy deppist (it's a real thing Google it) friend, drivenbyrevenge, stories. Also I now have wings apparently.... (read her stories A/N)**

**May I now present my new disclaimer Driven! –driven walk in and applause erupts from somewhere-**

**Driven: Robina own zilch. **

**Robina: Dam straight –hi fives-**

Fang's POV

It took forever to find all those pictures and take them down. It was like as soon as you thought you got them all another appeared in the strangest place eg. toilet, fridge. I had a theory that Iggy had a heap of those pictures and was placing them places even when we thought we got them all.

As soon as I walked into the house and saw all the pictures a revenge plan already started forming in my head. Everyone knows Iggy is blind right and how his hearing is excellent and he can hear things we can't. Well that is going to work against him this time.

Iggy POV

After I flew out the window I decided to go to town and let Max and Fang cool off. No doubt Fang was planning a plan of revenge but I needed to be one step ahead all the time.

I went to the local gadget store and went up to where I heard the _tap tap___of a keyboard.

"Excuse me. Can you show me where the alarm systems are?" I asked someone probably a guy. I couldn't see his name tag obliviously so I decided to call the Fred.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Fred said. Was this guy for real?

"Ummm... no. Not really." Fred must've looked up then.

"Oh! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you."

"Don't worry." I said waving my hand. "I get it all the time. I've grown used to it."

"But you shouldn't have to get used to it! People should be more considerate." Wow that was rich, considering what he had just said to me moments ago.

"It's fine. Really." I repeated. "Now the alarm systems."

"Right this way." Fred said getting up and leading me towards the alarms.

Fang's POV

A while back we had bought dog whistles to try and train Total. It didn't work all we ended up was cursing from a talking dog.

Anyway, I hunted down the old dog whistles and washed them and gave them a blown. Total whined from the other room.

"I thought we were rid of those blasted tin whistles." Total yelled.

"Keep cotton wool in your ears for the next couple of days then."

Iggy's POV

I got the systems set up with the help of Gazzy. I set them up throughout my room and down the hallway.

There was nothing Fang could without tripping one of my alarms. So I could sleep easy at night now not having to worry about his comeback prank.

Fang's POV

Okay time to put plan annoy-the-living-crap-out-of-a-blind-bird-kid into action.

Iggy was in the kitchen making breakfast when I pulled out the whistle. Smiling to myself I sucked in a deep breath and blew.

I couldn't hear anything but Iggy definitely could.

'Arrgh!' He said covering his ears.

I stopped blowing and Iggy stood up.

'Fang I swear to god if that's you I'm going to kill you!' He said trying to listen if I was around. We couldn't have that could we? I blew again.

'OW! Damn you Fang!' Iggy ran out the back door and took off.

'Well this is going to be an interesting week...' I muttered to myself. I pocketed the whistle and took off after him. When I caught up to him I blew into the whistle again and again.

**A/N**

**Okay this finally got put up during my break time at school thanks to much nagging from a friend. I've been busy I recently got a job and have been obsessed with a manga called **_**FullMetal Alchemist.**_** It's really good I suggest you read it.**

**Driven: Did I miss anything?**

**Me: Just an update. Nothing important.**

**Driven: Okay.**

**Reviewers are cool. Cooler than ice cubes.**


	9. I Spy?

**A/N**

**Okay so here it is. The latest update :D It's taken a while but I've finally found some time to write this. I'm sorry for not updating in aaaggggeeesss but like I've said it's been pretty hectic around here.**

**Anyhoos without further ado here's it is :D Enjoy!**

**Disclaim: I am not the creator of MR I'm way too young for that :D**

Dr. M's POV

I have had enough of those two boys. They have nearly destroyed my house and have been putting the rest of us through hell.

Well. It's time those bought got a piece of their own medicine. Gosh. Listen to me I sound exactly like them now. Plotting my vengeance. It's another reason why I've got to get this over with.

Fang's POV

I looked at the food Iggy had made us for breakfast. It's looked like normal bacon and eggs. It smelt like bacon and eggs yet I wasn't convinced it was bacon and eggs.

Whoa. Listen to me do I sound paranoid or what? What happened to the good old days where I could stuff my face and didn't have to worry about food poisoning or something.

I sighed and looked over to Iggy who had just placed his bacon and eggs down next to me and was about to sit down.

The good thing about Iggy not being able to see it that he wouldn't notice me switching or plates just before he sat down.

'Dig in everyone.' Iggy said cheerfully. Soon the room was filled with the sound of knife and forks scarping against plates or, in the case of Gazzy, food being shoved into their mouth without the aid of cutlery.

Max glared at Gazzy from across the table and he immediately being to choke. Creepy. Maybe she was developing some sort of new power. I sincerely hoped not.

I directed my attention back to Iggy who had just taken his first bite of egg. He chewed it and swallowed and I waited for gagging or something to happen.

Nothing did. Damn this annoying paranoia. I angrily picked up my fork and speared an egg with it. I took a bite and felt a burning sensation in the back of my throat.

'Water!' I gasped running to the fridge. I could hear Iggy's maniacal laughing from the table and immediately started picking up things and throwing them in his direction.

Somehow he managed to dodge each one, which was extremely weird. I heard the shatter of glass and realized what I had just thrown.

'MY VASE!' Dr. M shrieked. 'THAT'S IT! YOU BOYS ARE TO STOP THIS INSTANTLY!' I now knew where Max got her screaming skills from. 'COME HERE!' I walked back to the table a glass of water in my hand and sat down. Everybody else had left and only me and Iggy were left at the table with Dr. M.

She shot me a glare that made me look away from her and gave Iggy the same one that was wasted on him but I think he knew what was happening and was looking down sheepishly.

_She's gonna kill us. _I thought. _She's actually gonna kill us. Maybe we have taken this too far. But it wasn't my fault Iggy-_

'Why?' Dr. M said calmly sitting down again taking me away from my thoughts.

'What?' Iggy and I said together. She sighed.

'Why do you keep going at each other like this? What I the point of it?' I opened my mouth to answer then realized I had no answer and closed it again. Iggy was as silent as me. 'That's what I thought.' She sighed again.

'Max. Angel.' She called to the next room and sure enough in came Max, holding something behind her back, and Angel.

'Angel if you would.' Angel smile at me sweetly and I started feeling tingly.

_You will follow me to the basement. _Angel said placing the thought in my head.

Against my will my legs started moving me towards the basement. Iggy was also doing the same but was putting up more of a fight.

'Noooooo!' He yelled grabbing hold of the door frame and not letting go. Max elbowed him in the side making him let go. 'I'm too young to die!' Iggy yelled.

After much resistance from Iggy we finally made it down to the basement. I didn't try to resist as much cause I knew I need my energy for escaping.

I had only been down to the basement a few times and each time it had been cluttered with boxes of old things. Now it looked clean. There was nothing in the room except for a small pole in the middle of the room.

I was getting a little worried now.

_Sit down at that pole. _Angel commanded again.

We both obeyed and sat down. Max then walked over and revealed what she had been hiding behind her back.

'Handcuffs.' She said cheerfully. Although Iggy was at her mercy he still had the guts to make a joke.

'I bet you and Fang use those all the time.' He laughed and Max blushed then kicked him where it hurts. Iggy whimpered. She then proceeded to handcuff me and Iggy to the pole.

'You guys won't be leaving here until you sort out your problems.' She said when she was done. All three then left the basement and I heard the click of a lock.

I sighed. 'Wanna play I Spy?' I asked Iggy.

'Think about what was wrong with what you just said.' He replied. This was going to take some time.

**A/N**

**Okay done! –cheers- Sorry if there are any spelling and grammar mistakes but I am tired and am a lazy authoress who doesn't read back over her work.**

**Right I will try to get the next chapter up ASAP.**

**Reviewers are cool. So cool ice-cubes are jealous ;P**


	10. Stuck

**A/N**

**Okay after... a while I've finally gotten around to getting this chapter up. Anyhoos on with the disclaim. –trumpets sound from somewhere-**

**Robina does not own Maximum Ride someone else does...**

Fang's POV

After many failed attempts at trying to escape, me and Iggy decide to compromise.

'Do you think they'll let us go to the toilet?' Iggy asked crossing his legs again.

'Dunno.'

'What about food?'

'Dunno.' Iggy thought over this for a second.

'You're not very useful are you?'

'Nope.' I said popping on the 'P'. Iggy sighed.

'I really, really have to go.' He said putting his legs in a different position.

'And I really, really don't care.' I focused my attention on my handcuffed hand. Maybe I would develop a new power that allows me to unlock things with my mind. I didn't get my hopes up. Suddenly the basement door opened and in came Max.

Iggy looked towards the noise.

'Max! Can I go to the toilet?' Max looked towards him and then I noticed a small pot in her hand. Maybe she was going to give us some of her cooking. I think, no-matter how hungry Iggy was, he wouldn't eat Max's cooking.

Max made her way down the stairs.

'Why is there a pole in the middle of the room?' I asked. Max shrugged.

'Probably a pipe or something.' She answered and placed the pot down in front of Iggy. It was empty so what was it for? Suddenly I clicked.

'You're not serious?' I asked her and a smile spread across her face. Don't get me wrong I love Max and everything but sometimes I think I was probably not treated the same as most other boyfriends. With or without wings.

'Not serious about what?' Iggy said his head looking in my general direction. I leaned over to him.

'How bad to you have to go?' I asked him.

'Fang I'm about to die from kidney explosion here get to the friggin' point.' I picked up the pot and put it in his lap. He used his free hand to feel it.

'She's not serious?' he asked.

'I think so.'

'Have fun.' Max said and left the basement. Iggy put the pot down next to him.

'Look away Fang.' Iggy said to me.

'What! No way! You're not serious.'

'Nobody is serious today but I sure as heck am!' He said and turned his back to me. I turned away thanking god for the super strong kidney I have from long stakeouts. I'm not going to describe what I heard but it was rather disgusting.

Iggy let out a long sigh of relief and I heard him zip his pants up again.

'Feel better?' I asked sarcastically.

'Much.' He said leaning back against the pole. 'HOW 'BOUT SOME FOOD TOO!' Iggy yelled as loud as possible.

'Shut up.' I said and leaned back as well. We stayed like that for about an hour till Iggy sat up and had that look on his face.

'What?' I asked.

'Take out my earring.' He said turn his head towards me so I could reach it better. It was a small gold sleeper that he had gotten for Christmas last year. I undid it and took it out handing it over to him.

He took it and bent it out straight.

'Freedom here we come.' He said and put it into the small keyhole of the cuffs. He wriggled it around and bit until it clicked open. Iggy's face lit up.

'Now do me.' I said.

'That's what she said.' Iggy said laughing and leant over to undo mine. When we were both free we had to work out our next problem. Getting out.

As we stood there thinking of a way to get out we both heard footsteps coming down towards us. I made my way over to the basement window and opened it. A blast of cool air hit my face.

'Iggy quick over here.' I whispered to him. He silently the made his way towards me. 'Up and out the window.' I pushed myself up and out the window but only to get stuck midway.

'Crap.' I muttered to myself. I heard the door open and I froze.

'Iggy? How'd you get out?' It was Dr. M. 'Come with me right now mister.'

'But Fang-' Iggy started but got cut off.

'Obviously got out the window.' She said. Huh? Why couldn't she see me? Then it hit me. I was invisible. As long as I didn't move.

They both made their way up the stairs Iggy swearing under his breath.

Now I have to get out.

**A/N **

**Okay there it is. **

**Enjoy and R&R.**


	11. Truce?

**A/N**

**Well… It's been a whole year… Ahem.  
Sorry guys for this stories' unofficial hiatus but I just didn't have any ideas or motivation. I got a review today and suddenly I felt like updating again. I had to read back over what had happened cause I forget and shamelessly to say I laughed at my own jokes ^.^' **

**Okay well here it is hope you enjoy and thanks for sticking with me all this time 3**

Fang's POV

Fours. Hours. Four freaking hours I'd been stuck in this window debating whether or not to call out for help. My options were either call out for help and Max finds me and kills me or don't call out for help and starve and die in this window. Neither option was desirable.

I moved myself around a little more the feeling in my legs had been lost two hours ago. If I could just get my arm free them I could get out and freedom would be min-

'Hi Fang.' A sing-song voice sounded beside me.

'Holy shi-poo! Angel? How long have you been there?' Hardly anyone was able to sneak up on me. I was the one who did all the sneaking. I was a ninja able to blend into the shadows and-

'Fang stop thinking about yourself as a ninja.' Angel hit me on the side of the head.

'Ow. Right.' I wriggled my body so I was facing her slightly more. 'Angel. Dearest Angel. '

'Yes Fannnnng?'

'Would you, could you, help out of this window I'm currently stuck in?' I said in my sweetest voice reserved only for when I desperately wanted something and I desperately wanted to get out of this window. The bladder pains were kicking in and there was no pot for me to go in.

'I don't know if I should do that. Max and everyone else is looking for you and Max said she would get me a new outfit for Celeste if I brought you too her.' Angel smiled a sweet/evil smile that only she could mange. 'Cause let's be honest here. Everybody knows Angel doesn't live up to her name.

'Devil's child.' I cursed under my breath. 'What if I bought you _two _new outfits for Celeste?'

'And candy?'

I glared at her. She sure knows how to strike a deal. 'Fine. And some candy.'

'Okay!' her little hands grabbed mine and she started to pull. For a seven year old she sure as heck had a lot of strength. Must be in the genes.

'How'd you find me here anyway Ang'?'

'Knew you were here for ages. Mind reader remember? I also wanted a new outfit for Celeste.'

'Max didn't actually say she'd get you one if you found me did she?'

'Nope.'

'You truly are a mastermind Angel.'

'Thanks.' She smiled sweetly and pulled again. I felt myself move and wriggled my arm a bit more almost getting it free.

'Almost there one more pull.'

Iggy's POV

'WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL?' I yelled pulling at my Velcro restraints. Any other time Ella strapped me to a chair in her room I would be excited but not today. I felt another hard object move along the edge of my eye. 'It hurts!'

'Stop your complaining you big baby. It's not that bad.'

'WHY WOULD PEOPLE WILLINGLY SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO SUCH TORTUE?'

'To look pretty! Like you will. Now hold still.'

'NEVER!' I started thrashing around in my seat rocking it side to side trying anything to break free.

'Stop moving or do I have to get Max in here again?' Nudge threatened. I immediately stopped any and all movement. The last time Max had come in here I'd been paralysed for an hour.

'Almost done…' Ella murmured and I felt another brush stroke across my face smearing some unknown substance across it. I heard a click and then silence.

'We are-' Nudge began.

'Truly amazing,' Ella finished. They were both silent for a moment longer before a loud squealing noise scaped their mouths.

'HE'S SO CUTE!'

'YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.'

'MY EARS!' I yelled wanting to cover up my over sensitive ears.

'Camera.' They both said at the same time and left the room closing the door behind them.

'Idiots,' I whispered to myself bending my head down pulling the Velcro undone. They gave me less credit than what I deserved. I made my way over to the window using a mental map I had already created for myself unlocking it and slowly sliding it up. I lowered myself out but missed the ledge I would usually use. Not that I've ever needed to go into Ella's room via the window!

I fell briefly landing on my feet jarring my ankle a bit. I ignored it and planned my next step for escape. I moved forward slowly moving against the wall until I felt something hard under my foot.

'Ow! Watch where you're going idiot!' Fang growled angrily.

'Well I can't really can I,' I said moving a hand in front of my face.

'Right,' I heard him slide up the wall beside me.

'What were you doing on the ground?' I asked him.

'My legs were dead from being suck in the window…' He trailed off. I held back a laugh. He'd been suck in that window the whole time? I thought he would've have escaped ages ago.

'Getting a bit pudgy around the middle eh Fang?'

'Shut up princess. Decided to finally embrace your feminine side?'

'Shut up,' I said rubbing my hand on my face hoping to erase some of the makeup.

'Hey Igs?'

'Yeah?'

'How would you feel about a truce?'

**A/N**

**So it's short. I know. I do know what I'm going to write next I just didn't get around to it and thought I might as well post what I've got. So yes after my yearlong hiatus I've returned to give you another chapter. Again thanks for the constant reviewing, faves, alerts I love you guys so much 3 –hugs-**


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